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Air Force

The Call

Combat helmet boots and dog tags

“Hey Babe, I’m okay – just don’t watch the news. I will call you when I can. I love you.”

That was all my husband, Eddy, said before the old military field phone went dead. I didn’t hear his voice again for over a week. Eight days, to be exact. Eight excruciatingly uncertain days.

Mortar attacks aimed at Camp Taji, Iraq, a military installation used by Iraqi and coalition forces, were a daily occurrence. In fact, they happened so often, the media rarely covered the incidents in detail. On this particular day, however, CNN was on the scene. This time, the devastation and destruction was massive; there were both American and Iraqi casualties. This was news.

As I cradled the phone receiver in my hand, my thoughts immediately flashed back to February 18, 2003 – the last time I saw my husband before boarding an aircraft at the Salt Lake City International Airport. Eddy had been called to serve overseas in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. This was our first deployment as a married couple.

The sense of national solidarity and support that originated after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks was felt the moment we arrived at the airport. The black M-16 carrying case and government-issued green bags Eddy hauled around were telling. Some people offered supporting nods and smiles as we walked by. Others shook Eddy’s hand and thanked him for his service to our country. The airport staff went above-and-beyond for us; they were understanding and kind to our family. They even allowed my daughter and me to go through security and sit with Eddy until his zone was called, a gesture that was forbidden since the attacks.

Silent tears streamed down my cheeks as I sat next to Eddy and tightly held his hand. When the time came for him to go, I gave him a soft kiss and long hug. I didn’t want to let go. For the past two months, we had been so busy going to deployment briefings, getting our legal affairs in order, and meeting with church elders that I failed to prepare myself emotionally for this day. Feelings of immense pride and fear hit me like a ton of bricks as I watched my husband of five months slowly disappear down the jetway.

Eddy arrived at Camp Taji in March following a stint in Kuwait for convoy operations training. He was an Air Force Technical Sergeant at the time, assigned to an Army Fire Department. His assignment was to provide vehicle maintenance, security, and support to the Department as they fulfilled their mission.

Camp Taji, Iraq
Eddy, Camp Taji- 2003

Up until his unsettling call, Eddy and I spoke on the phone once a week. Though our conversations were short, and his words were few, I was thankful to hear his voice. Pockets of silence between our calls were filled with hand-written letters, cards, and care packages my daughter and I put together. We packed small boxes with staples such as Racer X magazines, baby wipes, beef jerky, Chicken and a Biskit crackers, and that squeezy Cheddar cheese that comes in a can. Not everyone deployed to Camp Taji received care packages, Eddy informed me, so I gladly satisfied his request to pack extra goodies so he could share.

I wasted no time searching for information as to the meaning of his call. Against Eddy’s wishes, I flipped through every news channel – nothing. I did Internet searches – nothing. I called Eddy’s Squadron Commander and First Sergeant – nothing. I got the feeling they knew what had happened overseas, however, they were not at liberty to tell me. As a military spouse, I understood Operations Security (OPSEC), nevertheless, I struggled with the fact I was left to wrangle my unsettled thoughts alone. Had my husband been hurt? Was he taken hostage? Had he and his comrades seen combat? My mind raced out of control.

As a woman of faith, I wish I could say that I trusted God that my husband was okay, but the truth is, I was terrified. For eight days, I tortured myself with agonizing thoughts. I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t even pray. Then finally, an angel of mercy, disguised as a DSN phone operator, patched a call from Eddy to our home.

The Defense Switched Network, otherwise known as DSN, is a worldwide Department of Defense telephone system. It allows calls to be sent and received from one military installation to another. We lived on base, so the call was easily patched through the landline in our home. With the 10-hour time difference, Eddy took a chance I would be home. Little did he know, I had been waiting by the phone for over a week.

Eight days prior, he told me, he was awakened by the explosion of two car bombs outside Camp Taji’s main gate. The bombs rattled the entire military installation. The highway was blown to smithereens, along with innocent American and Iraqi pedestrians, drivers, and passengers, of which were left to burn inside their vehicles. Eddy assured me he had not been harmed in the attack. He arrived on scene immediately after the explosions and tended to burning vehicles.

With military casualties, he explained, all communication in-and-out of Camp Taji had to be shut down to allow next of-kin notifications. He was concerned I would see the CNN broadcast and think the worst when I didn’t hear from him.

Even though Eddy was in the middle of war-related chaos, he thought of someone other than himself. He thought of me. He wanted to assure me he was okay. He didn’t want me to worry (sorry honey, I did anyway!) He was selfless – a character of a true hero.

Veteran’s Day is a day to honor our military heroes, both past and present. Regardless of whether one served in a combat zone, each military member (and their family) has sacrificed countless ways for their country. Such devotion is deserving of recognition other than just one day a year. Below is a small list of ways one can show their appreciation to our veterans each and every day. What ideas do you have that can show support to our veterans? Add to this list by sharing in the comments.

Thank you to all who are and have served and thank you to the families who love and support them.

Ways to show appreciation to a Veteran:

    1. Say “Thank you”.
    2. If you see a military member in uniform while at a restaurant, secretly pick up their tab.
    3. Donate to a cause that supports veterans.
    4. Listen to their stories.
    5. Attend local Veteran’s Day parades.
    6. Fly an American flag – fly it properly.
    7. Write. Write a story on a blog, in a public forum, or for a local newspaper.
    8. Volunteer at a military installation.
    9. Offer to help the family of a deployed military member.
    10. Send cards and letters of gratitude to deployed military members.
    11. Pray for them and their families.
    12. If you own a business, offer a military discount. Click here for a list of business that offer military discounts.
    13. Open your home to military members and their families for the holidays.
    14. Get to know the veterans in your neighborhood; be respectful during holidays that include fireworks – a pretty firecracker could be a traumatizing trigger.
    15. Vote

~Viv

Best Man

He wasn’t my first choice, though he could have been. His curly black mullet and long eyelashes were more than enough to lure me in Eddy’s direction, but it was his best friend, Jim, who swooped in and made the first move.

Best friends since childhood, Eddy and Jim were students at Ninnekah – a tiny Oklahoma school located in Grady County. I didn’t come along until the 4th grade. Up until then, I attended West Elementary School in the nearby town of Chickasha. I was a year older than Eddy and Jim, so I didn’t know either of them until Junior High when the three of us took Mr. McGuire’s Algebra class. Even then, we did not interact; it wasn’t cool for a freshman like me to associate with 8th graders. For the entire year, Eddy and Jim sat on one side of the classroom, and I on another – each oblivious to the ties that would bind us three years later.

There were two groups of students at Ninnekah High School: those who were destined for college upon graduation, and those who weren’t. Eddy, Jim, and I fell into the second group; we didn’t have the financial backing to attend college until later in life. Thankfully, Oklahoma had a program that allowed high school Juniors and Seniors to learn a trade through occupational training. For four hours every morning, while our peers sat in stuffy high school classrooms, Eddy, Jim, and I attended Canadian Valley Vo-Tech and gained valuable on-the-job training and experience. Eddy was in the Auto Body program, Jim took Machine Shop, and I was in Secretarial Training. I saw Eddy and Jim every morning in the Vo-Tech parking lot. I parked my Chevy Chevette on the south side across from Jim’s 1968 Cougar, and Eddy’s 1971 GMC step-side pickup. It was in this parking lot where the first words among us were spoken.

“You left your lights on,” Jim told me as I hurriedly walked by him and Eddy on my way to class. I turned around and saw that I had, in fact, left them on. “Thanks,” I said, returning to my vehicle. It was still uncool to associate with younger students.

Vo-Tech was half a day; therefore, we took normal classes back at the high school after lunch. As I headed to Mrs. Stockton’s Marriage and Childcare class, Eddy and Jim sauntered over to Mrs. Pruitt’s Typing class. Unfortunately, neither showed any promise of ever learning to type. After two weeks, Mrs. Pruitt kindly recommended they withdraw from her class – and that his how the boys ended up sitting at my table in Marriage and Child Care.

Eddy and Jim were hilarious. Like Abbott and Costello, the comedic duo fed off each other’s humor, charisma, and charm. They started to grow on me; they made me laugh.

Towards the end of the semester, Mrs. Stockton assigned Jim and I to a research project that involved planning a wedding and honeymoon on a fixed budget. We got an “A” on the assignment. Before the semester was over, Jim and I were dating.

Meanwhile, Eddy met a girl named Sheri. She was from Chickasha. The four of us double dated every weekend. When we had money, we went to Pizza Inn and shared two large pepperoni pizzas. When we were broke, we played Wahoo and drank beer at Jim’s house.

The four of us were inseparable, so when an Air Force recruiter promised Eddy and Jim they could sign up and serve together, we were all in. Known as the Buddy Program, this recruitment tool enticed future Airmen with a promise to attend Basic Military Training with a friend. If they played their cards right, the recruiter said, they could even attend the same tech school and get stationed at the same base! The boys took the bait. Both signed the dotted-line, entered the Delayed Entry Program, and got hitched while they waited to go to boot camp.

Eddy and Sheri were married first. I was the Maid of Honor and Jim was the Best Man. Eddy returned the honor four months later and stood next to Jim at our wedding. Everything was going as planned, then the Air Force suddenly changed the play. Eddy was called up to attend Basic Training in December 1991; Jim wouldn’t get to go until June 1992. Uncle Sam failed to keep his promise; we were devastated.Best Man and Groom, October 1991

Phone calls, letters, and Christmas cards allowed us to stay in touch after we went our separate ways. Every few years, we took leave and met up in our hometown. Each visit felt like old times. Eight years passed when the visits came to an abrupt halt at the news of Eddy and Sheri’s divorce. Having known Eddy longer, I naturally gravitated towards him to offer support. Ironically, he did the same for me two years later when divorce invaded my own life.

Eddy and I bonded through our experiences.  We talked on the phone on a regular basis and emailed daily. When I completed my bachelor’s degree in 2002, Eddy sent me a large bouquet of yellow roses with a note that said he was proud of me. The phone calls started lasting for hours; on many occasions, our conversation outlasted my phone battery. It had been four years since our last visit; we decided it was time for a reunion.

I was living in New Mexico at the time and Eddy was stationed in Utah. We decided I would fly to Utah and then he would drive us to Las Vegas for a 4-day mini vacation. Seeing Eddy again felt like home. I had missed my friend.

You know that old saying, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”? Well, in our case, what happened in Vegas did not stay there. In fact, it followed me home. What happened in Vegas was I fell in love with the Best Man.

Soon after our Vegas trip, I moved to Utah. Eddy proposed shortly thereafter. Being the honorable man that he was, and is to this day, Eddy insisted upon receiving Jim’s blessing, to which Jim happily provided. Eddy and I were married in 2003 in a little wedding chapel in Edmond, Oklahoma. This time, the Best Man and Maid of Honor were Eddy’s children – my new bonus children – Wade and Shani.

He wasn’t my first choice, though he could have been. But one thing is true: Eddy was and always will be my Best Man.

Jim, Vivian, & Eddy, May 2017

           Jim, me, and Eddy – May 2017

~Viv

Hi, I’m a Military Spouse

Eddy and Vivian Cumins

I became a military spouse when I was only 19 years old. I remember feeling both nervous and excited the day we gave our lives to Uncle Sam. I say “our” lives because a military lifestyle affects the entire family, which is something the Air Force recruiter failed to mention during his sales pitch. Instead, he boasted how the Air Force was going to take great care of us. The service, he said, would pay for college, give us a housing allowance, provide free medical and dental, and fit the bill for worldwide travel.

Eddy Cumins with Vivian at Military RetirementAll true. Every bit of it. He had us eating out of the palm of his hand in minutes. Looking back now, I suspect his failure to highlight the challenges we would face—I would face—was more intentional than accidental. After all, he was a recruiter with monthly quotas to meet.

Nevertheless, I embraced my new role, and, for 20 years, I proudly served as an Air Force spouse. Here are a handful of observations and lessons learned from my journey:

  1. When your spouse signs the dotted line to serve our country, the whole family begins a life of service before self. The needs of the country will come before yours.
  2. Finances are tight in the beginning. The resources offered to military families regarding financial planning are invaluable.
  3. Getting involved in a military spouse group ensures you are never alone, despite living away from home or in foreign lands.
  4. Family Readiness Centers are situated in every military branch to promote self-sufficiency, mission-readiness, and overall adaptation to the military lifestyle.
  5. The service member is on the clock 24/7. This means they will be late to evening meals; miss dance recitals and birthday parties; and frequently cancel date night. Expressing forgiveness and understanding toward the service member is honorable and appreciated.
  6. The first deployment is terrifying. No amount of preparation or briefings prepare you for the experience. Relying on faith and leaning on your military family, family, and friends helps you to get through it.
  7. Subsequent deployments are just as terrifying and never get easier—they simply provide additional tools to equip you for the next one.
  8. Practicing good OPSEC (operational security) during deployments keeps your service member and our country safe. This include being mindful of what is said to family members and what is posted in email and on social media regarding the deployed location.
  9. Every moment counts when your service member contacts you while deployed downrange. This is not the time to argue, complain, or fuss with your spouse. The reasons why this is so important go without saying.
  10. Never be afraid to ask others for help.
  11. Learning the customs and courtesies surrounding the National Anthem, Retreat, and Reveille—and adhering to them—is respectful and expected.
  12. A military spouse is considered a dependent, and their actions affect the service member. My husband was counseled many times regarding my speeding tickets on base and overdue library books!
  13. It is imperative to keep children’s routines as normal as possible while your service member is gone.
  14. Kids are resilient and typically bounce back quickly; however, changing schools, friends, and scenery every two to four years is not easy for them. Seeking resources to assist with the moves will help them cope.
  15. Having the conversation about funeral arrangements, living wills, and military death benefits stinks but is necessary.
  16. Taking care of yourself benefits not only you but those you care about as well. Nurturing your spiritual well-being and ensuring you eat nutritious foods, drink plenty of water, get some exercise, and sleep at least eight hours will give you strength to be present for others.
  17. Allow time for transition after a deployment. Patience, understanding, communication, and prayer go a long way toward helping you settle back into your normal routine.
  18. Flexibility is paramount. Nothing goes as planned—ever, but the sacrifices are worth it.
  19. Not everyone gets to travel the world on Uncle Sam’s dime. Making the most out of every assignment ensures you have a great military experience.
  20. Purchasing a few formal outfits to have on hand for formal dinners, dining-ins, and military balls saves you the trouble of last-minute shopping. Nowadays, there are places you can rent formal attire for such occasions. Check Rent the Runway, an online service that provides designer dresses and accessory rentals.
  21. People who are not military will not understand anything about the lifestyle. Leaning on your new military family for support will help you avoid frustration and disappointment.
  22. Once a military spouse, always a military spouse. Sharing stories, becoming a mentor, writing a blog, and donating time or resources are ways to keep serving long after retirement.

God bless our current, separated, and retired service members … and a special thank-you to those who bravely love, honor, and support them—my sister and brother, you rock!

~Viv

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